Do you know someone that is in an abusive relationship? A friend or relative
that may need your help? Do you feel as if you don't know enough to help
the person? Well, you can. Follow these very basic steps to help this person in
their struggle to escape being the target of partner violence.

  Approach the person in an understanding, non-blaming way. Talk to the
  person and tell them that they are not the only ones in that kind of
  situation. Comfort them by letting them know that they have taken the first
  step by putting their trust in you and that they must have more strength to
  overcome the struggle ahead.

  Acknowledge that it must be very difficult to talk about the situation this
  person is in and that they must be frightened. Tell the person that no one
  deserves this kind of treatment, to be abused, beaten or threatened. And nothing that is said or done makes this violence OK.

 
  Support the person and listen. Encourage the person to express their
  feelings, whether they may be of fear or hurt and anger. Don't make
  decisions for the person, but support them in theirs, even if they are not
  willing or ready to leave the relationship yet.

Ask the person if they have suffered any physical abuse or been harmed in
any way. If necessary, take the person to the hospital emergency room to check for injuries.  If you or someoee you know has suffered traumatic injuries the emergency room will usually provide a nurse to stay close to you, as well as bring in trained advocates for you to counsel and comfort you, and provide you with knowledge of your legal rights. If you are injured it is important to document any injuries.  There are state and federally funded agencies that provide financial assistance and counseiling to victims of violence as well as to to the chldren.
 
Ask the person if they are willing to report the assault to the police and
 stand by their decision.

  Provide the person with information on how to get help for people in
  abusive relationships. Find information on social services, and legal advice.
  This information may be easily found in the Yellow Pages of your local
  phone book.

  Get some legal information and inform the person about the legal
  protection that may be available to them under the abuse prevention laws.
  If possible, go with the person to the court system, whether it be the
  district, probate or superior court, to get a protective order to prevent
  future abuse and harassment by the abuser.

  Develop a safety plan in case the person should decide they are ready to
  leave the relationship. Help the person develop a plan that is truly safe and
  will prevent the chance that they will be put at further risk. Remember to
  let them decide what is most comfortable for them.

The answer is that an abuser start slowly and each sitiuation follows the same pattern.  Abuse is a matter of CONTROL! Victims of violence come from all walks of life - females, males, children, all races, all economic back grounds.

Abuse can be considered physical and verbal harassment or intimidation.

An abuser often looks flawless to others, that is part of their guilt and protection.  They desire others approval, yet desire control over their signifigant others to heighten their self esteem.  In crisis situations the abuser will appear as the overly caring protector, as witnessed in emergency rooms or police intervention.  Often the victim will experience a reprieve following the situation of abuse; this is called the "honey-moon period"; the abuser may present gifts and attempt to be overly helpful to overcome the situation.  It is not likely to hear the words " I am sorry" , an abuser will continue to abuse ... over 95% of abusers with counseling intervention continue their patterns of abuse.  Sons of abusers have almost as high a rate of abuse as their modality of being in control as they grow up and assume roles of responsibility.